I regard myself as a pacifist. I firmly believe you cannot change another person’s attitude or beliefs with violence. But when I hear people say, “there’s no situation that justifies violence,” I have to disagree.
I have twice been threatened with a knife and on both occasions I could only think of using violence to protect myself.
The second time I was threatened with a knife I was on my way home from university. I was standing waiting for a bus in Birmingham city centre towards the back end of rush hour. The crowds usually around at 5pm had dissipated but the streets were still busy as late-evening Christmas shopping was now in full swing.
Standing with my back to the wall of the pub I gazed down Priory Queensway checking for my bus. Shoppers were picking their way through the islands of people standing by the line of bus stops which ran down the hill. On the ramp that led into the Argos store I saw three people - a woman and two men - in what looked like an argument. The woman waved the men away, clearly somewhat annoyed.
At first this looked like a domestic tiff but as the two men refused to leave her alone I watched more intently and realised that they didn’t look “together”, in fact it seemed the two men didn’t know the woman at all. As the scuffle continued it became clear harassment.
I changed my body position, turning to face the group, and thought about intervening. I didn’t need to; the two men saw me looking towards them. They paused and tried to wave me away, suggesting I should look elsewhere. When I didn’t they came over.
“What are you looking at?” was the predictable question thrown at me by one.
“You want to mind your own fucking business,” came as a quick follow-up by the other.
“I’m just catching a bus,” I said, “I couldn’t help notice …” and my masterpiece of passive-aggressive wordplay was cut short.
“You need to be careful,” said the larger of the two as he pulled a knife from his coat pocket, “I can easily do you in.”
“What, here?” I asked bullishly. “With all these people around?”
“We’ll wait.”
They didn’t say any more. They backed off, not taking their eyes off me and took up a position about 10 yards away, on the other side of the entrance to Priory Market.
At least I now had time to think. I assumed they were going to get me in the crowd as I boarded the bus or, if that opportunity didn’t arise, when I got off the bus in Weoley Castle. I thought if I can get on the bus I will be safe. Having travelled at the same time every day for the first term at uni I knew most of the drivers - by sight, not by name - enough trust to pass a message on that would be acted upon. I also knew that all buses had a panic button for the driver to press to request police assistance. I just needed to pass a message, something I could write on my bus pass and show the driver as I boarded.
My plan B was less convincing. I could feign leaving the bus a few stops early. Getting up, sitting back down and hoping that in the crowd of people exiting the bus the two men wouldn’t notice I’d pushed back onto the bus.
It was mere chance that my bus that night just didn’t want to turn up. Before the two men threatened me I had already been waiting five minutes. Another twenty went by before I noticed the two men move towards the bus shelter. The crowd squeezed itself onto the number 103 bus, the two men included and the bus pulled away.
As I watched it depart I saw the two men take their seats on the back of the top deck. One punched the window as he saw me looking up towards them. The other leant across and clenched his fist then pointed to his eye.
I firmly believe violence is wrong. Nothing good can be accomplished with violence.
If you want someone to say they agree with you, just point a gun in their face - they’ll say whatever you want. You haven’t changed their mind; you’ve just got someone to say something they don’t believe in. The moment you turn the gun away that person will defy and defame you. If you want someone to actually agree with you, you need words to talk them into your way of thinking.
That said, I always question whether I am a pacifist because I can think of situations where violence is necessary - I think of when a knife was pointed at me. If someone came at me with a knife I would fight back. In a scuffle, if I had the chance, I would bury the knife in the guy’s eye socket. Not because I’m a violent person, it’s not even down to hatred, it’s simply because I want to live.
Everybody (every living creature) has the right to live and feels the desire of self-preservation. People who say, “violence is never justified,” clearly have never had a knife held to their face.
It’s easy to be a pacifist when you live in a peaceful environment. It’s harder when you have violence thrust upon you. I wouldn’t judge someone who has resorted to violence without understanding the situation they had been forced into.The fact I haven’t resorted to violence is not down to my “civilised nature”, it’s down to never having been put in that situation. It’s a fact which doesn’t justify violence but it does explain why violence happens.